I have always used writing as a form of therapy. Whenever I felt sad, putting pen to paper was second nature – pouring all of my thoughts and feelings out felt cathartic. But these days, everything I write sounds awkward and stilted – it comes out cold.
I have felt the struggle of writing for months now, never quite sure how to articulate how or what it was I was feeling. Now more than ever do I feel that cruel pinch as I sit in front of my laptop, tears rolling down my face and unable to put in to words the hurt I am feeling.
The truth of the matter is, I am not a writer anymore. I am not a blogger. I am not a photographer. I let my hobbies peel away from me like dead skin I had to shed. I wondered if I was becoming something else – a newer version of myself with different priorities and interests. As I sit here now I understand that is not the case – I did not transform in to something new and wonderful. I just let pieces of me die.
I don’t feel like I know who I am anymore. Cannot say with certainty what I care about, what I’m doing or where I am headed. Maybe it is all redundant anyway. What I do know, is that it took a lot of hurt, to get to this place. It took a lot of breaking down, putting the pieces back together, having them kicked back down and repeating the process. I guess I put myself back together wrong. I wish I had the words to describe how frightening and lonely this feels.
Once again it is time to rebuild. To pick up my stupid heart from the floor, and to start afresh. I know there are people there to lean on, to help me fix myself. But as I spend the day in bed, heart heavy and sore, I feel too tired to even think about another remake. Too sad to wonder what I will be like in another few months. How much more I have left to lose. What else will fall away, and what will I be left with?
I am scared and I don’t know what to do. I wish this was not the hand I was dealt but it is, and maybe, after all of this, I just don’t have anything left to give.
On a cold, rainy Autumn day there’s nothing I like more than to draw a hot bath, slide underneath a blanket of bubbles and let my troubles melt away. Bonus points if I can find a way to make it spooky and instagrammable (tattooed leg shots in orange sparkly water anyone?)
As it does each year, the Lush Halloween range dropped signalling a change in the season and my bath game. Here’s what I picked up…
October 1st has rolled around once again and with it, the annual tradition of Blogtober. As always I am woefully unprepared, highly doubtful, ever so slightly reluctant – but here to give it a go anyway.
As always, time has completely escaped me and I find myself writing a review on the June box in…August! Yikes. In my defence they do arrive on the last day of the month so technically that only makes me a little over a month late to the party – but better late than never eh?! So here’s what was included in the second instalment of the Lush subscription box!
Like most other hardcore-Lush fans, since the dissolving of the kitchen, I have sorely missed my fix of exclusives, surprises and fan-favourite drops. Plus I’ve had a lot more money to spend because it hasn’t all gone on bath products.
When Lush announced it would be releasing a brand new subscription box through the kitchen – I was shocked yet completely over the moon. As someone who loves a good subscription box and Lush – the merging of two was like a dream come true. Naturally moments after the site was opened for subs I had hopped on there and filled out my details without a second thought. Today I thought I’d share my first box with you, what I got and a little bit about how it all works!
Every now and then Lush will mess with my mind and release one of its products in super-size proportions. We’ve had the giant rose bombshell, the sizeable Mother Earth bath bomb and lavender giant bombshell to name but a few.
When these products drop, I almost always want them because I’m a complete sucker for novelty – anything over-sized or miniature and I must have it. Things have been a little quiet on the novelty up-scaling side of things as of late though. Until what I would consider to be my holy grail of giant Lush products was released – the Big Comforter bar! (more…)
One of the things I’ve been really missing throughout lockdown (y’know, besides my friends and my freedom) is bubble tea. For weeks now I’ve found myself checking Uber Eats in desperation, wondering if my favourite bubble tea place would appear. Spoiler alert: it didn’t!
So when a friend linked me to BOBO Tea and their DIY box I jumped at the chance to get my bubble tea fix on! The box was a very reasonable £19.99 with a further £2.99 for shipping. If you’d like to get one you can do so here!
This is not a sponsored post! I’m just sharing the love. (more…)
Much to my absolute delight and relief (my bath bomb stash was seriously dwindling!) Lush recently re-opened its online doors. With the re-opening came a huge wave of newness – all in the form of fantastic bubble bars! Bubble bars are some of my favourite products from Lush so as you can imagine, I was very excited to see all of the new designs.
Obviously I couldn’t grab one of everything (but will definitely be going back for more next payday) so instead opted for a good selection of things I thought I might enjoy. As always I picked on design rather than scent – because if I pick solely on scent I would be browsing the ingredients list for far too long and decision making would become a chore! I’m extremely happy with everything I managed to snag so thought I’d share my little haul with you today!
I have really struggled with lockdown and isolation and, as I come to the end of my fourth week, it does not feel any easier. If anything the weight is heavier on my shoulders, my anxiety ramping up as my ‘flight’ response itches to kick in.
I’m not the kind of person who enjoys or benefits from forced positivity. I am and always will be a proponent of ‘feel whatever you feel’. On the days I feel desperate and miserable I allow myself to feel that way and reject any and all notions that I should think differently or try harder. Emotions are natural and they come and go. That said, one thing that has helped me to stay on track is acknowledging the things that have sparked joy in me. Being thankful for the small things can help boost my mood. It’s a good reminder that though a situation can feel overwhelming, there are times that can be appreciated and treasured. Today I thought I’d share a few recent snippets of joy.
Life in lockdown is tough. Sometimes I sit by my window, inhale the sweet Spring air. And, I long to be sat on a train, hurtling through countryside – sunlight filtering through a grimy window and warming my face. Fields of yellow rushing by, music pumping through my headphones. An iced coffee on the table in front of me, a backpack filled with snacks and my trusty Nikon. I want to feel the excitement of the final platform – knowing that adventure awaits. Lockdown may stunt the adventures and stilt the hope but though our time outside is limited, it cannot take away the beauty of the season.
It’s been a weird old time lately and I feel a bit strange blogging about bath bombs given the current climate. That said, I purchased this years Lush Easter range several weeks back and they’ve been languishing in the Lush box waiting for their close-ups. Blogging has always been something that has kept me busy and motivated and now in a time where I need those things more than ever, I turn to it again.
Today I will be sharing my thoughts on this years Easter range. Please read on if you’re feeling up to it!