For the past few months things have been really weird. Day to day stuff has been difficult and there has been a lot playing on loop in my mind. I thought I’d share a few ‘life update’ things and I’ll explain why as I go, so sit tight.
I’m a bit of an over-sharer. As the saying goes a problem shared is a problem halved. I think there’s a bit of truth in that. So for that reason I tend to be quite open about the ‘big’ events going on in my life and the things that are on my mind – both good and bad. That said, you could trawl through my social media accounts and my blog and you’d still only know a very small fraction of what was going on ‘IRL’ – even though outwardly it might seem like I share a lot, what I keep back in my personal life is far more (and usually far more important to me too).
I had been off work for five weeks – which is quite some time – whilst I privately worked on myself and my shit. What that looks like is nobodies business – not something I owe or have to explain and share. And so I won’t. But I’m back at work now and I think that feels a lot like progress.
Why am I sharing this?
I’m sharing it for the person or the people who come back to my blog frequently, to see what I’m writing. What I’m up to. What’s going on in my life. Who I’m talking to. Which direction I’m heading in. Where I’ve been. The person who doesn’t want to make themselves known but who feels entitled to my words and my worry.
Because I know now, that I will never find the answers to my questions – the who or the why or the intent – whether malicious or simply misguided. And just as I will not know the reasons behind the actions, they will not know what is going on in my life or with me – no matter how much they might want that or how hard they comb for clues.
Because the only way to know what is going on with me is to reach out and ask. To send me an inbox or a text and to ask “how are you?”. If you feel you can’t do that, then you shouldn’t be concerned with me and my life anyway, it really is that simple.
So I will continue to blog, and you are welcome to continue reading. Anyone is. But please take everything you see with a pinch of salt and understand that you can never, ever get the full picture simply by watching on the sidelines. The good days, the bad days – you’ll see snippets of some of them. Snippets do not tell the whole story though and the whole story is reserved for those that care about me, not just their own sense of curiosity.
Change is coming.