I’ve been thinking about that conversation we had. How you said you want to leave your mark on the world; that it would be sad to die and be forgotten.

If I could go back, maybe I would tell you, that you left your marks all over my world. And in this love I have for you, no matter how small and insignificant it may be, you will never die.

My love is like that spoon filled with covid. A drop in the ocean, comparatively speaking. But it has little tentacles that thread out, unseen and unspoken. Permeating every single thing I do.

Maybe I should have told you, that I often think of you as my muse. You inspire the things I write, the things I draw, the things I create. How I dress. How I want the world to see me. When I think of you, I feel things that I want to express, and never forget.

And though I know that my words, scribbles or photographs will never change the world, that I will never change the world, a tiny piece of you is woven in, and in those small acts of creative endeavour, you will always live. A thousand tiny sparks of creativity and acts of love, ignited by you.

Because the thing is, you’ll always be the person I loved hardest. The person whose unique life experiences and outlook made me think, made me question, made me sad, happy…or made me laugh the most. You have this way about you, that I find impossible to describe. But if I have to try I guess I’d tell you that, when we spend time together, it’s like nothing else exists, and in those moments, all I really need is you.

I wish that I could be a better person, to make those things mean more than they do. I wish I could write all the happiness you would ever need in to your life. If I were a better writer, I’d tell you how profoundly I love you, and you would believe it. In those words, you’d make a home and we could live there forever, safe in the knowledge that we found the things we had been searching for.

But maybe one day, these small acts will add up, and they’ll become something special.

Maybe one day we will leave our mark on the world together.

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